Thursday, 10 August 2017

Bike Fart


Earlier this week,I fixed our bikes and fitted a bike carrier onto the boot of the car.
Last night The Prof and I took to the road!
Now a year or so ago I was at least 32 lbs heavier, so last year's bike rides were a chore, especially as The Prof was and is a great deal fitter than I but now I am somewhat fitter so can keep up with the pace without looking as though I am just about to suffer a stroke.
Yesterday morning I took my bike out alone and cycled perhaps five miles down to the coast town and back. It was a practice run for the evening trip and I was pleased that I managed it with only one minor mishap!
At the end of the walk/cycleway there is a dogleg barrier,( one that is designed to stop motorbikes from getting on the track) and because of that fact that I find it hard putting my feet on the floor while sitting on the bike, I " tottered" around the barrier like fat ballet dancer while a woman and two kids waited for me to squeeze through!
Feeling virtuous and somewhat over confident after the two mile uphill slog, I pushed off on the peddles like the professional cyclist that I am not and let out what can only be described as a mega fart as I did so!
I didn't look back at the woman and her kids.
I didn't have the nerve

71 comments:

  1. bwhahahahaha! good morning from across the pond; have my coffee and a good farting story from you to start my day. only you, dear john! ;-)

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  2. better out than in!

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  3. Let the wind gang free wherever you may be!(old Scottish saying for those predisposed to letting one go in public)!

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  4. While your sister may one day meet the queen, it is probably a good thing that you don't. Wow, 14.5 kilo. You are fading away.

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  5. You're obsessed with farts πŸ˜πŸ˜€πŸ˜‚

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    1. Its all the roughage at fat club

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    2. Lol any excuse, but well done on the weight loss πŸ˜‰πŸ˜πŸ˜

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. Better an empty house than bad tenants.

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  8. Nothing like a little jet assist!

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  9. In our house that's turbo power.

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  10. Count down to blast off!

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  11. That fart will provide hours of laughter for the woman and the two kids as they recount the event to friends and family. :)

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  12. When we were little kids we went through that phase of having a piece of card sticking into the spokes to make it sound "like a motorbike".
    So relive those childhood days, install a bit of cardboard, fart away as merrily as you please, and nobody will notice :-)

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  13. Bet you made their day... there's nothing better to a kid than a big fat juicy FART.

    It was probably the wind fighting to escape your lyra-clad bot. Before you know it you'll be shaving your legs next...

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  14. Just laughed out loud here at my desk.

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  15. Toilet humour, gets me every time. My husband would definitely win a medal if it was an Olympic event!

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  16. Fart away,
    Dear John Gray
    And live to fart
    Another day.

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  17. Congratulations on the weight loss, John!

    And maybe take it easy on the cabbage and beans casseroles? 😁

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  18. Great "bike fart!"

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  19. Consult a competent nurse!

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  20. It could have been worse.... no poem intended, Cro!

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  21. Farts are always good fun I say. Besides you can't hold back, what you can't hold in your hand.

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  22. Maybe they thought you popped a tube?

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  23. That wasn't a fart, it was just your engine misfiring. What colour cycling helmet do you wear? Grey?

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  24. We were due for a fart post. It's been a while since the last one!

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  25. Keep eating the beans then you'll be alright getting up the hills with a tailwind.

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    Replies
    1. Salvador Dali has written an essay on the subject of farting, and it's all favourable.

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  26. Oh jeezus I needed that laugh!

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  27. Ok, have you ever seen a black woman's turn completely red from laughing so hard? It's a sight to behold. Once again John you have truly made my day! Enjoy your biking trip with the prof.

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  28. I imagine that was helpful in propelling you away...

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  29. John, you're a marvel and an inspiration. And a charmer. I hope you outrun the prof some day--downhill.

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    Replies
    1. Unfortunately i am non of those things

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  30. I do hope there was a nice breeze, so it didn't hang around ...

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  31. you really suffer from bad UF. uncontrollable farts.

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  32. Count down to blast off!

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  33. Who could resist a blog title that that? And, it did not disappoint.

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  34. Brilliant post as always. I don't know why but I find other people's flatulence really funny. Where er you be let your wind go free. :)

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  35. A little extra incentive to help you on your way !

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  36. The wind beneath your wings? -Jenn

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  37. This faux pas seems to be becoming the story of your life John.

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  38. My grandkids read this post. They howled.

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    1. So did I, but not with laughter.

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    2. Go on thomas, you let out a titter

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    3. The twins are 11. They love fart stories.

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    4. All little boys do :)

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  39. Somewhere in blogland, there's a woman recounting her side of this story.......... lol

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  40. Church or chapel,let it rattle.
    From one old fart to another.

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  41. Church or chapel,let it rattle.
    From one old fart to another.

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  42. Where 'er you be let your wind blow free! (Or somet' like that).
    Could've been worse - you could've sharted! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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  43. I think you should just record a few of your farts and bowel movements so we don't have to conjure them up using your descriptions. Maybe get a saddle-camera? For insurance purposes? Now this is - to me - interesting. The definition of a 'twazzock' is a person who sniffs women's bicycle saddles. Bet you didn't know that. I suppose it could be men's bicycle saddles too, I don't know.

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    1. I could made a CD?

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    2. I mean POST! (Jeez...)

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    3. Freudian slip there

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  44. There has to be a book title in there somewhere John. And think of the comments for the back cover

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  45. Oh dear, that was a hoot, or should I say toot! Whilst I haven't farted on the bike yet (or at least not where someone will hear me) I did have an embarrassing fall one day. My husband and I were nearly at the end of a long, hot ride and we stopped for a cold drink at a local gas station. I was so exhausted my legs were like jelly, and as I lifted one over the seat to disembark, I became stuck on my pannier that was overloaded with picnic items... I went straight over sideways, landing on my knee and skinning it quite nicely. The gas station was packed with travelers, watching the old lady fall over...At least several came to my aid and didn't just leave me lying there. Happy cycling!!
    Barb

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    1. You have been commentating for many years here barb...... Another blog i am writing tomorrow x

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  46. 'A fart is something which gives the body ease, it warms the bed on a winter's night and suffocates the fleas'

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    1. Fantastic! ElaineD ... Was that an Ode to a Fart :)

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  47. Bravo, and bravo for the bike ride too.

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  48. I expect mum and kids giggled a lot x

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  49. Thank you for the laugh you gave me with this story. I'm in a lot of pain this morning and you've helped reduce it for a short while 😁

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  50. Here I am worrying about missiles from Nth Korea and raving rhetoric from President Oz's White House when the real danger is chemical warfare from Wales.

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  51. Bike Fart. Earlier this week,I fixed our bikes and fitted a bike carrier onto the boot of the car. Last night The Prof and I took to the road!
    ตารางคะแนน

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